Live Your Bumper Sticker

| July 15, 2012 | 0 Comments

There is an issue plaguing our streets and highways, massive amounts of false advertising. This particular problem, unlike most instances of advertising fraud, is not being committed by big business, but by individuals.  They are not living their bumper sticker.

“Of what could I possibly be speaking?” You ask astonished (unless you read the title of this post, then you have probably already figured it out, but for the rest of you…)

I answer (the slower, and most likely the perpetrators of this fraud need to really pay attention now), “Bumper Stickers“.

Bumper Stickers, if artistically applied containing messages that are either informational or just humorous, are fine. The problem stickers are the ones which describe characteristics about the occupants of the vehicle. Stickers of this type are not immediately wrong. It is not until the driver of the vehicle begins operating it in a fashion contrary to the stickers message.

The following list (in the order in which I typed them) is of the stickers associated with the worst sticker advertising offences.

  • Jesus Fish, Green Man, OM, and any other religious stickers – With one of these stickers you are saving, “Hi, I’m courteous, nice, and obey the traffic regulations; just like the Buddha, Jesus, or Joseph Smith, Jr. would if he were driving this vehicle.” So when people with these stickers are cutting someone off, not allowing people to merge, driving slower than the traffic flow in the leftmost (passing) lane, or flipping other drivers off, they are telling everyone they are upsetting, “My prophet doesn’t give a damn about you.”
  • Christians Aren’t Perfect, Just Forgiven – The addition of this sticker to a vehicle is a blatant misuse of a truth (assuming the statement is true in the first place). The Christian religion points out that people aren’t perfect and never will be of themselves (see that’s what the sticker says). But it also requires repentance (turning away from wrong doing, working towards Godliness) or you are NOT Christian (a little Christ), you are human acting at being a Christian. The addition of this sticker to your vehicle is an obvious attempt at excusing your actions (not the Christian way). So… Oh… never mind then, I’ve changed my mind; people displaying this sticker are not falsely advertising themselves since it’s saying they are not Christian enough to attempt to live correctly.
  • Coexist or Respect (where each letter is a different religious symbol) – This sticker says first, “Dude, I’m way more evolved than all you people locked into your religion belief systems.” But it is quickly followed with a “We should all just get along.” message. Because this sticker’s message is so pointed, drivers displaying it are expected to drive like the saints, angels, gods in which they don’t believe. Of course, it seams that drivers of cars ornamented with one of these stickers, are the ones that don’t coexist with other drivers at all.
  • Baby On Board – Every minivan or SUV steered by knee and using the lane bumps as driving Braille, because one hand is busy flicking the ashes off a cigarette while the other holds a mobile phone to the drivers ear, always has one of these stickers in the back window. Often the “baby” is bouncing around the back seat, unbuckled. There should be a federal law requiring officers to pull over vehicles stamped with these stickers and remove all children from the interior.
  • Honk if whatever – People with these stickers need to be aware that they will be hocked at occasionally and stop getting angry and flipping honkers off. Oh, and don’t assume that a honker is agreeing with your sticker just because they are honking. Check their face and fingers, before smiling and returning the greeting.
  • Drive like a Cullen – If you have added one of these stickers to your automobile you already know it references the speed at which the vampires from the “Twilight” series drive. So if you have one of these stickers on your car, you better drive real freakin’ fast (by the way, this is also true if you’re driving a sports car, but that’s a whole other post).
  • Anti-Christian – Surprisingly, although many religions are known as “hater’s”, it seems that the majority of mean spirited stickers today are anti-religious, specifically anti-Christian. This points out two things. First, are you a child? Just because someone says or believes differently than you, that mean’s you need to call them names and poke fun at them. Grow up. Second, as stated above, the religious should be acting godly, so you’re anti-religion means… you still need to be acting godly. Why? You ask. Because you are rebelling against the hypocrisy of the religious saying you should be acting godly while they are not doing it themselves. Which means you can either say you’ll act godly and do it (showing them up, and making the world better) or say you won’t act godly and don’t (in which case you won’t fit into society and will eventually be lockup or kicked out).

So the main issues with bumper sticker fraud all lead to this one everyday rule: If you adorn you vehicle with stickers, live the sayings.

Remember, the way you drive directly reflexes on your favorite sport team, honor student, political party, school, and any other advertisements you’ve added to your chosen transportation.

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Category: Rules of the Road

Phil Jackson

About the Author ()

Philip "Phil" Jackson has determined that the biggest problem in the world is stupidity. "Most people don't seem to have basic Common Sense, but if they have a list of rules to follow, I have found that they will do so willingly." So after years of experience living he has decided to help out the ignorant by compiling the missing life rules into an easy to read and understandable format.

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